I found myself laughing after my prayer time this morning. It went something like this:
God,
Thank you for the grace you give me everyday. Help me be an example of that grace and mercy. (sniff) Go before me, so that I can follow in the steps you have planted and be used for your purpose. (sniff) Forgive me the things that keep me from being the woman you desire and deserve. (sniff) Help me to give myself the same mercy you give me and ask that I give others. I love you and worship you and seek you. (sniff) (blow my nose)...
Also if you could take care the snot that would be great. I would rather clean up other people's than mine. Thanks God. Love you.
I like snot...just not my own. (OK that sounds really bad...)
Monday, November 1, 2010
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Grace Like Hot Potatoes
It's been so long since I have sat down to blog. I am still finding my wings in this blogging world...wrestling with ideas and topics and things to say. I am still struggling with expressing the fullness of what is on my heart. I know that seems strange as those who know me will tell you I am not quiet...but many times I hold back what is fully going on in my thoughts and heart. I am learning to be me and that it's OK to be me because my God loves me, delights in me even. I am learning it's OK to change me too. To look at things different or in new ways and to enjoy change. Not fear it. Growing can be a beautiful terrifying thing.
Tonight, (big breath) I am enjoying a change.
I was reading Jonah these last couple of weeks. We were talking about Jonah in my Sunday school class...on obedience (of course.) I have to say I had never read it as an adult. It was comforting to put aside the childhood version and settle into the grownup version, to see it in a new light and hear from God. My breath is always stolen when I am reminded that the Word is a living, breathing form of God's love.
Here is the story of Jonah, chapter 4 and here is what I heard:
Jonah after having been given a second chance to obey God, went to Nineveh and informed them of the consequences of the lives they chosen. The people then choose to turn away from their lives of sin and turn towards God. God, being the good God he is, choose to forgive them and spare their lives. Jonah gets mad at this and leaves (I am sensing a theme in his life). He literally goes into the desert and pouts. God presents him with a shade tree that grew over night and then takes it away. Jonah gets mad again. God says what right do you have to get mad? You didn't do anything to grow this tree. It was me. Just like it was me who saved Nineveh and just like it's me who gets to choose to forgive them. (I am paraphrasing here of course.)
Tonight, (big breath) I am enjoying a change.
I was reading Jonah these last couple of weeks. We were talking about Jonah in my Sunday school class...on obedience (of course.) I have to say I had never read it as an adult. It was comforting to put aside the childhood version and settle into the grownup version, to see it in a new light and hear from God. My breath is always stolen when I am reminded that the Word is a living, breathing form of God's love.
Here is the story of Jonah, chapter 4 and here is what I heard:
Jonah after having been given a second chance to obey God, went to Nineveh and informed them of the consequences of the lives they chosen. The people then choose to turn away from their lives of sin and turn towards God. God, being the good God he is, choose to forgive them and spare their lives. Jonah gets mad at this and leaves (I am sensing a theme in his life). He literally goes into the desert and pouts. God presents him with a shade tree that grew over night and then takes it away. Jonah gets mad again. God says what right do you have to get mad? You didn't do anything to grow this tree. It was me. Just like it was me who saved Nineveh and just like it's me who gets to choose to forgive them. (I am paraphrasing here of course.)
Jonah describes God in his words: "I knew you were sheer grace and mercy, not easily angered, rich in love, and ready at the drop of a hat to turn your plans of punishment into a program of forgiveness!"
What a great God Jonah knows! He personally knew God's grace and mercy and was given a second chance to not only be obedient but also be used by God for his plan and purpose. Yet, Jonah is mad about this because Jonah (now said with a sarcastic head bobble) wanted to keep that grace and mercy for himself.
This is where I should declare Jonah to be a selfish, selfish man and a great disappointment to the Lord...but maybe Jonah thought there was only enough grace for him. Maybe he thought God would run out of Grace and Mercy and thought somehow he was the only one who needed it and deserved it.
I do this. I so want to store up God's graces like I am some kind of squirrel who is storing up nuts for the winter. I pack them away in the tree house of my heart and think they are just for me. Maybe someday, when I have enough for the long winter, I will share with others. But really grace is something I shouldn't hold on to. It's more like hot potatoes then nuts. Pass it on to whoever you can, as quick as possible because when you let go, you open up your hands to receive more grace and if you don't then you run the risk of being like Jonah and getting a little burned.
See truthfully God never runs out of grace or mercy or forgiveness...not for us...not for you and and not for me...really he is just lending them to us...playing one big hot potato game. Pass it on.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Grumpies say the darnest things
I have been writing a collection of things people tell me in my job. I am itching to see my patients, my grumpies. (the old or sick can be very grumpy; I started calling them grumpies because, somewhere along the way, their grumpiness became charming to me.) I think they have a lot to teach us and I love that I get a chance to stop and listen. They do say the darnedest things sometimes...
One woman who had just arrived home from the hospital when I was on the phone with her husband and was trying to give me directions to her house says "well if they can't find it, I'll come find them. Of course, I can't walk very well yet." I laughed and told her "you will just hobble on down the road after them with your walker." I can just picture it.
Another woman, when I asked how she was doing, said "oh I am almost as good as new and after you come I'll be right as rain." Though I am not sure rain is something you should shoot for, I was glad to hear this.
Good Advice in life: "Don't pick up any naked hitchhikers or take any wooden nickels."
And when you need some help...
"Rent a grandkid." for electronic support i.e. Working remote controls.
A multi-generational poem: one woman said this was from her mother:
"If it's not one thing it's another.
Oh my finger
Oh my thumb
Oh my back
Oh my bum"
One gentleman answering the phone: "Kelly's bar...Kelly's on the floor."
"Some people make us laugh which is better than those who make us cry...you make me laugh."
"Well aren't you the sunshine in my day."- that's kind of sweet.
When asking one gentleman if he drives (I think he was 91): "Well, no more than I have to as the kids don't want me to, and as fast as I can, as the cops keep chasing me...but I got me one of those electronic garage openers and I keep it open and drive right in and close it as quick as pie so the cops just drive right on by. You won't tell will you?" I couldn't tell if he was serious or not...
Oh the things I hear in my job...
More to come later.
One woman who had just arrived home from the hospital when I was on the phone with her husband and was trying to give me directions to her house says "well if they can't find it, I'll come find them. Of course, I can't walk very well yet." I laughed and told her "you will just hobble on down the road after them with your walker." I can just picture it.
Another woman, when I asked how she was doing, said "oh I am almost as good as new and after you come I'll be right as rain." Though I am not sure rain is something you should shoot for, I was glad to hear this.
Good Advice in life: "Don't pick up any naked hitchhikers or take any wooden nickels."
And when you need some help...
"Rent a grandkid." for electronic support i.e. Working remote controls.
A multi-generational poem: one woman said this was from her mother:
"If it's not one thing it's another.
Oh my finger
Oh my thumb
Oh my back
Oh my bum"
One gentleman answering the phone: "Kelly's bar...Kelly's on the floor."
"Some people make us laugh which is better than those who make us cry...you make me laugh."
"Well aren't you the sunshine in my day."- that's kind of sweet.
When asking one gentleman if he drives (I think he was 91): "Well, no more than I have to as the kids don't want me to, and as fast as I can, as the cops keep chasing me...but I got me one of those electronic garage openers and I keep it open and drive right in and close it as quick as pie so the cops just drive right on by. You won't tell will you?" I couldn't tell if he was serious or not...
Oh the things I hear in my job...
More to come later.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Falling Short leads to Dependency
I realize more and more my abilities fall short...all the time. I fail more often than not. I am beginning to be more OK with this on a daily basis. I am realizing while I am capable of much, God is more. While I have strength and abilities and talents, God is more. While I am loving and kind, God is more. That is the way it's suppose to be.
Here God calls us to both wait for what He brings and work along side of Him at that same time. I so often find myself falling victim to this thought I can do it all on my own or I have to do it all on my own. Neither is true. It's less about what I bring to the table and more about what He provides; Whether it be wisdom, strength or power, He provides what I need. While I am used for His purpose, I am the optional component of this equation. He is not!
Hosea 10 says:
Sow righteousness,
reap love.
It's time to till the ready earth,
it's time to dig in with God,
Until he arrives
with righteousness ripe for harvest.
But instead you plowed wicked ways,
reaped a crop of evil and ate a salad of lies.
You thought you could do it all on your own,
flush with weapons and manpower."
reap love.
It's time to till the ready earth,
it's time to dig in with God,
Until he arrives
with righteousness ripe for harvest.
But instead you plowed wicked ways,
reaped a crop of evil and ate a salad of lies.
You thought you could do it all on your own,
flush with weapons and manpower."
Here God calls us to both wait for what He brings and work along side of Him at that same time. I so often find myself falling victim to this thought I can do it all on my own or I have to do it all on my own. Neither is true. It's less about what I bring to the table and more about what He provides; Whether it be wisdom, strength or power, He provides what I need. While I am used for His purpose, I am the optional component of this equation. He is not!
Isaiah 30:15-18
God, the Master, The Holy of Israel,
has this solemn counsel:
"Your salvation requires you to turn back to me
and stop your silly efforts to save yourselves.
Your strength will come from settling down
in complete dependence on me—
The very thing
you've been unwilling to do...
Think again...
There'll be nothing left of you—
a flagpole on a hill with no flag,
a signpost on a roadside with the sign torn off."
has this solemn counsel:
"Your salvation requires you to turn back to me
and stop your silly efforts to save yourselves.
Your strength will come from settling down
in complete dependence on me—
The very thing
you've been unwilling to do...
Think again...
There'll be nothing left of you—
a flagpole on a hill with no flag,
a signpost on a roadside with the sign torn off."
18But God's not finished. He's waiting around to be gracious to you.
He's gathering strength to show mercy to you.
God takes the time to do everything right—everything.
Those who wait around for him are the lucky ones.
I am pretty sure I hear God call me silly girl often..I think it might be his nickname for me. But in all seriousness, I don't just want to fall back on God as a safety net; I want to be more Dependent on Him. Meaning, I don't just want to give him the glory after the fact but I want him to go first. I don't want to save myself because I am tired, I don't have the strength and minus a brief phase of wanting to be Wonder Woman (she had cool bracelets), I don't want to save the world, let alone myself. When I try, I end up beaten and left on the side of the road. Hurt and wounded, I crawl back to the Lord and beg forgiveness and ask for help. While he will always offers His help, He can't spare me the consequences of the decisions I make and I know His desire is for me to follow Him first...
God, I pray You go first. I pray I continue to be more dependent on You. You are no longer just my safety net but You are my map, my salvation and my strength, my destination and my transportation. Help me to continue to die to myself. It's You I desire. It's You I need, it's You I rely on. Help me to find the Joy in Your salvation, let Your Glory be revealed. Lead me to your feet Lord for I praise You with all I have. Love Aimee.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Stealing the Birthday Glee: Part 2
Tonight, I am printing off invitation for the Exceptional Place Birthday Extravaganza! We are having a party for all the Exceptional Kids at church and going to celebrate what amazing kids God has created. It seemed like a perfect time to finish telling you about my birthday party.
It was the best birthday party I have ever had. I don't know if I can really explain all the joy and love I received in these 2 very short hours. I had asked my family and friends if on my birthday, we could spend it with the kids from my class. We had talked in the past about having a bowling party for Exceptional Place as bowling has quickly become one of our favorite past time. Both in class (with a small set) and out of class (see Monkey Toots and Other Compliments).
We had so many birthdays and events to celebrate this summer, it seemed like perfect timing. We invited families and friends and a few of the kids and set out to bowl a few frames for the afternoon....
We took over the bowling alley (the poor management). It was truly joyful chaos and I loved every minute of it (minus the phone call from Sandi telling me about Brandon's broken leg). There was 4 lanes with at least 6 people on each lane and a few extras milling about here and there. It was a great time and here are just a few moments that stand out:
Bailey kissing my ball and "helping" me bowl as she asks a thousand questions a million miles a minute. I love that girl! I think she is has the enthusiasm of Cookie Monster paired with a hug that would...bowl you over (pun intended).
Isaac sneaking up behind me and "scaring" me every 2 minutes. Isaac can't sneak up on anything to save his life. My little piece of joy was pretending to be scared every time and watching the smile and giggle it brought to him. Isaac's parents wrote me a beautiful card and Isaac had signed his name with a heart because he said "I love you and you are so pretty." I love this kid.
Hanna's mom didn't know there was a ramp where Hanna could bowl too. We rolled Hanna up to the ramp in her wheelchair, put the ball in place and helped her bowl for the first time. The smile on her face was priceless and heavenly. Hanna bowled her first "strike" that day! It was the best birthday present I ever had.
I hope someday you all will experience the kind of love and joy I experienced this birthday. It had started out as a rough weekend but with loving care and tenacity that is gripping, I think the Lord went right out and stole my Birthday Glee back for me. Sunday night at church, Caroline sang a song which reminded me of this weekend:
It was the best birthday party I have ever had. I don't know if I can really explain all the joy and love I received in these 2 very short hours. I had asked my family and friends if on my birthday, we could spend it with the kids from my class. We had talked in the past about having a bowling party for Exceptional Place as bowling has quickly become one of our favorite past time. Both in class (with a small set) and out of class (see Monkey Toots and Other Compliments).
We had so many birthdays and events to celebrate this summer, it seemed like perfect timing. We invited families and friends and a few of the kids and set out to bowl a few frames for the afternoon....
We took over the bowling alley (the poor management). It was truly joyful chaos and I loved every minute of it (minus the phone call from Sandi telling me about Brandon's broken leg). There was 4 lanes with at least 6 people on each lane and a few extras milling about here and there. It was a great time and here are just a few moments that stand out:
Bailey kissing my ball and "helping" me bowl as she asks a thousand questions a million miles a minute. I love that girl! I think she is has the enthusiasm of Cookie Monster paired with a hug that would...bowl you over (pun intended).
Isaac sneaking up behind me and "scaring" me every 2 minutes. Isaac can't sneak up on anything to save his life. My little piece of joy was pretending to be scared every time and watching the smile and giggle it brought to him. Isaac's parents wrote me a beautiful card and Isaac had signed his name with a heart because he said "I love you and you are so pretty." I love this kid.
Hanna's mom didn't know there was a ramp where Hanna could bowl too. We rolled Hanna up to the ramp in her wheelchair, put the ball in place and helped her bowl for the first time. The smile on her face was priceless and heavenly. Hanna bowled her first "strike" that day! It was the best birthday present I ever had.
I hope someday you all will experience the kind of love and joy I experienced this birthday. It had started out as a rough weekend but with loving care and tenacity that is gripping, I think the Lord went right out and stole my Birthday Glee back for me. Sunday night at church, Caroline sang a song which reminded me of this weekend:
Turn your eyes to Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face
and the things of earth will grow strangely dim
in the light of His Glory and Grace.
All of my problems seem dim when I look into these faces that love me and see the light of Jesus shine through.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Stealing the Birthday Glee Back: Part 1
I don't like my birthday and I really don't like telling people it's my birthday. I like to pretend it doesn't exist. I have even thrown myself a couple of reverse "surprise" birthdays, meaning I invite others over and don't tell them it's my birthday until much later (sometimes days later, I had to stop doing that because several people got mad about this, I don't know why though). I think it all started because I didn't like myself for so many years that celebrating a day about me was more painful than joyful. So needless to say I get a little glum around this time of year.
This year seemed to start out no different. Friday, I left my house only to discover my car was broken into and my rear driver side door was smashed to little itty bitty bits. It wasn't what I needed that morning. I had already planned to purchase new tires that evening (which equalled mucho mucho $$$). I was going to spend the last day in my office at work and this was also the day of a major upgrade for our computer system; all the work we normally do in a days time had to be done an hour earlier than normal. So spending 2 hours- cleaning up the mess of glass littering my parking lot, filing a police report, contacting my insurance and finding a shop to fix my door- wasn't what I had in mind. I left work early and tried to get to a shop by 4 to fix the window. Nearly 4 hours and $1000 later, my window is fixed and I have new tires that I don't yet appreciate (maybe someday, sigh). What a truly horrible day and a terrible way to start out my birthday weekend. I went to bed early and prayed I had a little peace.
Then yesterday, September 11th remembrances...all the memorials and tributes...they are beautiful and touching but it just really sent me into a spiral right down the toilet.
This morning, my sweet sweet Brandon hurt himself. This is a little boy in my class. I adore this kid. He is so charming that even when his snot is running down his nose and he is telling me fart jokes, it's all I can do not to laugh. [OK, secretly, I love fart jokes and poop jokes, and snot but don't tell him that, I have to be a good influence] He fell and broke his leg in 2 parts, how this happened we just don't know. He even fell on one of our mats that we use for safety with the swing. I am going to want to cushion the entire room after this.
At second service, I had a hard time getting the kids to settle and by the time I did get them to settle, it was over. There are moments (more than not) that I feel like a failure or an idiot or crazy or all three in the middle of class. It was a hard morning, so very hard... I earned my stripes today (not that I have any stripes but if I did I would have earned them today). As I headed out to a birthday party with my team and some families from class, my heart was heavy. I wanted to cry and give up and leave.
But I remembered a conversation I had with a parent of one of our kids yesterday. She called to say they couldn't make it to the party but really wanted too. We talked for about 20minutes, connecting about what was going on in their lives and mine. She said "This has been the best time of church going we have ever had because John is in a place where people appreciate him for where he is right now. Of course, we want him to be the best he can be but you all understand him and appreciate who he is." He had recently been worried about going to a new school and he told his mom "I don't have to worry because God is with me and he will help me." She thought he had gotten this from my class and thanked me for teaching her son.
This is the reason I do what I do. Beyond the hardship and the challenges and frustrations, this is the reason God has called me to love these kids. John having a peace and knowledge that God loves him and will help him...it's an answer to my prayers, to my hopes and dreams. It's everything that matters.
When I was ready to give up this morning, I had to give myself John's reminder and cling to the peace I so often pray for others. My God loves me fiercely. I felt my joy coming back...
Then came the party! Wait until I tell you all about the best birthday bash I have ever had. (So it wasn't just my birthday party, I did share it with others. We had 3 people have birthdays this last week and a big birthday in August, then this summer had a wedding, three graduations and 2 volunteers leaving for school this month. Plus we were going bowling and you know how we love to bowl. We were ready to party!).
It's going to have to wait because the dog needs to go out and it's late. Know that this birthday weekend ends with a great deal more delight and joy!
This year seemed to start out no different. Friday, I left my house only to discover my car was broken into and my rear driver side door was smashed to little itty bitty bits. It wasn't what I needed that morning. I had already planned to purchase new tires that evening (which equalled mucho mucho $$$). I was going to spend the last day in my office at work and this was also the day of a major upgrade for our computer system; all the work we normally do in a days time had to be done an hour earlier than normal. So spending 2 hours- cleaning up the mess of glass littering my parking lot, filing a police report, contacting my insurance and finding a shop to fix my door- wasn't what I had in mind. I left work early and tried to get to a shop by 4 to fix the window. Nearly 4 hours and $1000 later, my window is fixed and I have new tires that I don't yet appreciate (maybe someday, sigh). What a truly horrible day and a terrible way to start out my birthday weekend. I went to bed early and prayed I had a little peace.
Then yesterday, September 11th remembrances...all the memorials and tributes...they are beautiful and touching but it just really sent me into a spiral right down the toilet.
This morning, my sweet sweet Brandon hurt himself. This is a little boy in my class. I adore this kid. He is so charming that even when his snot is running down his nose and he is telling me fart jokes, it's all I can do not to laugh. [OK, secretly, I love fart jokes and poop jokes, and snot but don't tell him that, I have to be a good influence] He fell and broke his leg in 2 parts, how this happened we just don't know. He even fell on one of our mats that we use for safety with the swing. I am going to want to cushion the entire room after this.
At second service, I had a hard time getting the kids to settle and by the time I did get them to settle, it was over. There are moments (more than not) that I feel like a failure or an idiot or crazy or all three in the middle of class. It was a hard morning, so very hard... I earned my stripes today (not that I have any stripes but if I did I would have earned them today). As I headed out to a birthday party with my team and some families from class, my heart was heavy. I wanted to cry and give up and leave.
But I remembered a conversation I had with a parent of one of our kids yesterday. She called to say they couldn't make it to the party but really wanted too. We talked for about 20minutes, connecting about what was going on in their lives and mine. She said "This has been the best time of church going we have ever had because John is in a place where people appreciate him for where he is right now. Of course, we want him to be the best he can be but you all understand him and appreciate who he is." He had recently been worried about going to a new school and he told his mom "I don't have to worry because God is with me and he will help me." She thought he had gotten this from my class and thanked me for teaching her son.
This is the reason I do what I do. Beyond the hardship and the challenges and frustrations, this is the reason God has called me to love these kids. John having a peace and knowledge that God loves him and will help him...it's an answer to my prayers, to my hopes and dreams. It's everything that matters.
When I was ready to give up this morning, I had to give myself John's reminder and cling to the peace I so often pray for others. My God loves me fiercely. I felt my joy coming back...
Then came the party! Wait until I tell you all about the best birthday bash I have ever had. (So it wasn't just my birthday party, I did share it with others. We had 3 people have birthdays this last week and a big birthday in August, then this summer had a wedding, three graduations and 2 volunteers leaving for school this month. Plus we were going bowling and you know how we love to bowl. We were ready to party!).
It's going to have to wait because the dog needs to go out and it's late. Know that this birthday weekend ends with a great deal more delight and joy!
Thursday, August 26, 2010
High Maintenance Love
I am in this season of change. I am moving closer to being the girl God wants me to be and it's the hardest thing ever, laying down the baggage of the past and picking up the habits of the King. I don't know if you know this or not but God is high maintenance! Loving Him is hard work...but it's also the best 'work' I have ever done. I don't know how I went so long without that personal relationship with him. I can't imagine not talking with Him daily anymore.
The other day, I was reading in Psalms and I came a cross a verse which just matched how I was feeling. I was surprise and pleased...He knew how I was going to feel on this day way in advance. He prepared my eyes to see this verse in this one moment. I felt like He was waiting for me. I often feel like He is waiting for me. In the past, I have felt guilty for this, Especially when He has to tell me something many times (many many many times). Now I just feel loved.
While God may be high maintenance and require an effort to know him on our part, He also love us with a High maintenance love. He loves us beyond our screw ups and mess ups. He loves us even without us loving him. He will bring together all of humanity and time to win the heart of one of his children. He constantly waits for us because he has prepared the steps ahead for us. He nudges or provokes us until we are in the one spot where he can reach us. While he is ahead preparing our way to him, he is also walking beside us in our journey.
It's the Highest Maintenance Love that can be found. It was there before our world was created and will be there always. I am so grateful for it. I never want to stop being surprised and pleased by His Love.
"We’re ready to study God, eager for God-knowledge. As sure as dawn breaks, so sure is his daily arrival. He comes as rain comes, as spring rain refreshing the ground.” Hosea 6:3
The other day, I was reading in Psalms and I came a cross a verse which just matched how I was feeling. I was surprise and pleased...He knew how I was going to feel on this day way in advance. He prepared my eyes to see this verse in this one moment. I felt like He was waiting for me. I often feel like He is waiting for me. In the past, I have felt guilty for this, Especially when He has to tell me something many times (many many many times). Now I just feel loved.
While God may be high maintenance and require an effort to know him on our part, He also love us with a High maintenance love. He loves us beyond our screw ups and mess ups. He loves us even without us loving him. He will bring together all of humanity and time to win the heart of one of his children. He constantly waits for us because he has prepared the steps ahead for us. He nudges or provokes us until we are in the one spot where he can reach us. While he is ahead preparing our way to him, he is also walking beside us in our journey.
It's the Highest Maintenance Love that can be found. It was there before our world was created and will be there always. I am so grateful for it. I never want to stop being surprised and pleased by His Love.
"We’re ready to study God, eager for God-knowledge. As sure as dawn breaks, so sure is his daily arrival. He comes as rain comes, as spring rain refreshing the ground.” Hosea 6:3
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Waiting with random thoughts
I Am trying to start working. Restarting my computer for the third time. Just thinking about the hope of the day.
I enjoyed last night, sitting around talking with friends and watching a bad movie. Making fun of each other in a joyful way, in the way only people who love you can.
I was laughing yesterday at a patient. She's 90 and went to open her bedroom window and told me "I will open my window now, I have the correct technology for that." Then she noticed I had to take her vitals and she needed to stand still, she said it again "I have the right technology for that." I said yes her two feet. She thought that was funny. This is the same lady who tells me " Don't pick up any naked hitchhikers or take any wooden nickels." Both of which seem self evident.
Oh the funny stories I hear when I am working. Speaking of which I better get back to work now that my computer has finished restarting for the third time.
Thanks for listening to the random thoughts of Aimee Lu.
I enjoyed last night, sitting around talking with friends and watching a bad movie. Making fun of each other in a joyful way, in the way only people who love you can.
I was laughing yesterday at a patient. She's 90 and went to open her bedroom window and told me "I will open my window now, I have the correct technology for that." Then she noticed I had to take her vitals and she needed to stand still, she said it again "I have the right technology for that." I said yes her two feet. She thought that was funny. This is the same lady who tells me " Don't pick up any naked hitchhikers or take any wooden nickels." Both of which seem self evident.
Oh the funny stories I hear when I am working. Speaking of which I better get back to work now that my computer has finished restarting for the third time.
Thanks for listening to the random thoughts of Aimee Lu.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Loving by Faith-Teaching by Braille
I love what I do. I really truly mean that. I love being a nurse and taking care of people. I love the physical labor of caring for someone who can't care for themselves. There is beauty in it. Wither its taking care of a wound or teaching a five year old about his diabetes or wiping a bottom on the old and the frail, it's the everyday thing that says "You are caring for one of God's children. You are His hands." It's a privilege and joy even on the hard days.
While I love this job, my true joy comes in a classroom of special needs children every Sunday morning. They are the broken (truth be told, we are all broken just like them but their brokenness doesn't fit in the realm of what is culturally normal or accepted). Some are physically disabled, some are developmentally disabled, some are socially disabled (meaning they don't know how to act around other people) and some are all three. I was asked why I have patience with these kids. I don't know. God has called me to love them for Him. I don't understand it but I will accept it and follow where he has led me. My heart leaps with the Joy He has provided me with these kids.
I often say in my class that it's our job to remember the blessings will always out weigh the challenges. I believe these kids aren't just here so their parents can get fed. They are here in our church because they are an important integral part of our church body. God has called them to be in our family and as such we will love them as He has asked.
Every child should have the word of God in their lives, even if you don't think they understand it, or even hear it. I believe God is bigger than what I can see and His words of love have power and strength in them. I don't want to stand in the way. Jesus is for everyone. I am not a filter for Jesus. I can’t just simply say we love you without also sharing the same words God has given you and me. We are here to share His love- all of it. I call this Teaching by Braille as I usually feel pretty blind in how I am going to reach them, but I ask the Lord to lead and I step out in faith. Most days I feel like I have failed but I continue to believe the Holy Spirit will work in their lives. I may never see how that happens but I will trust the Lord knows how. This has strengthened my faith in so many ways.
This summer we had been talking about creation. I don't have big lesson plans or stories. I am happy some Sundays when they make eye contact. Sometimes there are those who can participate in the story, but most of the time, these kids can’t. Some can’t speak or hear or see or understand or remember what I said five minutes before; I remember though their bodies and souls are broken, their spirit isn’t and just like you and me their spirit needs to be feed too. Nothing is too big for the Holy Spirit; no diagnosis, no disability, no challenge.
As I shared the story of creation, I simply focused on: God created everything, God created them, God loves them, and we love them. I believe in a God who doesn't make mistakes and these kids are not mistakes. Maybe their disabilities are consequences of living in a fallen world but they are not mistakes. They are children who are made in God's image. Our verse this summer echoes the love He feels for these kids:
God saw what He had made; and it was good, so very good.
Genesis 1:31-
God created them and he loves them and while I don't understand why they are made the way they are, I know His plan and purpose is beyond perfect:
It’s good, so very good!
As I am called to love like His Son, I get the privilege of celebrating these magnificent children of the creator of the universe.
Let me encourage you tonight to love big.
Love Big and the Lord will provide.
Love by faith and the Lord will lead.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Monkey Toots and other compliments
Yep, folks, I said it "Monkey Toots" and it's a compliment, trust me:
In February, my church honored me with an award for following one of our core values: loving. I have spent the last five years serving in a special needs Sunday school classroom. When I first started, we had eight kids and now we currently have 25 kids and 23 families. I was told I deserved it and I am doing a wonderful job "pastoring" these kids. It was a sweet award and I am grateful for it and the support from my church family. I felt encouraged to continue to Love like Jesus. And while this is more than enough, God continues to encourage me. Here are three compliments which stand out:
The first was when two woman who I respect tell me "Aimee, you are such a light in this world." In a time where I am struggling, it is good to know the light of Jesus always shines through. My God conquers all!
The second came when one of our kids came in the class and says "Aimee, you're my best friend and I brought you a surprise." Then hands me a kit-kat bar. I am so in love with her. She calls me a friend and gives me chocolate. Who wouldn't be in love? Her mother also said "my family is so sweet." and when I agreed, she said "No, I am talking about you." I wanted to weep with joy. My God is magnificent!
The 3rd came in the form of two little boys who thought they were up to no good. Last weekend I took Isaac, a 14 year old boy with down syndrome and Dalton, a 10 year old boy with multiple physical and developmental issues, bowling. I have known Dalton for 7 years now, I started out as a nurse and ended up as a part of the family. In the past year, I have gotten to take him for a weekend once a month or so and just spend some time with him. He thinks it's just for him but truth be told, I think I have as much fun as he does.
He had asked all weekend if we could go bowling with Isaac and I kept saying "we'll see." Then Sunday, he asked Isaac's mom, she was swamped at home and thought she would pass. I said I would take the boys and her and her husband could get some stuff done at home. We went to a small place near my house. Ordered pizza and bowled a few frames. They had a blast. It didn't matter if they would hit the pins or throw the ball in the wrong lane (seriously, this happened twice). You could hear them from any part of the bowling alley. They cheered themselves on, they cheered for the kid on one side or the group of twenty somethings on the other side and they cheered for me. They cheered for me the loudest; All I had to do was stand up there and drop the ball and they were yelling "Yahoo! Good Job Aimee! Way to Go!" They did a little dance when I bowled a strike. One woman came up to me asked how I knew them because these kids adored me. I don't think I have laughed that hard in a long time.
On the way home, they were making animal noises in the back seat. I would guess what kind of animals I had...I think I hear elephants...I think I hear cows...I think I hear monkeys. Then I made the mistake of saying "I think I smell monkeys in the back seat." They thought that was hilarious. Isaac told me "Aimee, you smell like a dog." I was trying not to laugh as I pretended to be flabbergasted by this. They were giving each other high fives in the backseat and snorting with laughter. I asked if I couldn't smell like cupcakes instead or cotton candy or chocolate (or other food words that start with a c) but they said no and tried to out do each other in telling me what I smell like. Dalton says "You smell like a camel." High-five. Isaac says "You smell like a lion." Another high-five. Dalton again, "You smell like a monkey." Now they have moved on to fist bumps.
Then Isaac says the grand daddy of them all, "Aimee, you smell like monkey toots."
I almost snorted in laughter. It was hard to keep a straight face. After we dropped Isaac home, I told Dalton I couldn't believe they had said I smell like monkey toots. And Dalton in all seriousness, tells me "Aimee, it's a compliment, it's a compliment in our heads."
In February, my church honored me with an award for following one of our core values: loving. I have spent the last five years serving in a special needs Sunday school classroom. When I first started, we had eight kids and now we currently have 25 kids and 23 families. I was told I deserved it and I am doing a wonderful job "pastoring" these kids. It was a sweet award and I am grateful for it and the support from my church family. I felt encouraged to continue to Love like Jesus. And while this is more than enough, God continues to encourage me. Here are three compliments which stand out:
The first was when two woman who I respect tell me "Aimee, you are such a light in this world." In a time where I am struggling, it is good to know the light of Jesus always shines through. My God conquers all!
The second came when one of our kids came in the class and says "Aimee, you're my best friend and I brought you a surprise." Then hands me a kit-kat bar. I am so in love with her. She calls me a friend and gives me chocolate. Who wouldn't be in love? Her mother also said "my family is so sweet." and when I agreed, she said "No, I am talking about you." I wanted to weep with joy. My God is magnificent!
The 3rd came in the form of two little boys who thought they were up to no good. Last weekend I took Isaac, a 14 year old boy with down syndrome and Dalton, a 10 year old boy with multiple physical and developmental issues, bowling. I have known Dalton for 7 years now, I started out as a nurse and ended up as a part of the family. In the past year, I have gotten to take him for a weekend once a month or so and just spend some time with him. He thinks it's just for him but truth be told, I think I have as much fun as he does.
He had asked all weekend if we could go bowling with Isaac and I kept saying "we'll see." Then Sunday, he asked Isaac's mom, she was swamped at home and thought she would pass. I said I would take the boys and her and her husband could get some stuff done at home. We went to a small place near my house. Ordered pizza and bowled a few frames. They had a blast. It didn't matter if they would hit the pins or throw the ball in the wrong lane (seriously, this happened twice). You could hear them from any part of the bowling alley. They cheered themselves on, they cheered for the kid on one side or the group of twenty somethings on the other side and they cheered for me. They cheered for me the loudest; All I had to do was stand up there and drop the ball and they were yelling "Yahoo! Good Job Aimee! Way to Go!" They did a little dance when I bowled a strike. One woman came up to me asked how I knew them because these kids adored me. I don't think I have laughed that hard in a long time.
On the way home, they were making animal noises in the back seat. I would guess what kind of animals I had...I think I hear elephants...I think I hear cows...I think I hear monkeys. Then I made the mistake of saying "I think I smell monkeys in the back seat." They thought that was hilarious. Isaac told me "Aimee, you smell like a dog." I was trying not to laugh as I pretended to be flabbergasted by this. They were giving each other high fives in the backseat and snorting with laughter. I asked if I couldn't smell like cupcakes instead or cotton candy or chocolate (or other food words that start with a c) but they said no and tried to out do each other in telling me what I smell like. Dalton says "You smell like a camel." High-five. Isaac says "You smell like a lion." Another high-five. Dalton again, "You smell like a monkey." Now they have moved on to fist bumps.
Then Isaac says the grand daddy of them all, "Aimee, you smell like monkey toots."
I almost snorted in laughter. It was hard to keep a straight face. After we dropped Isaac home, I told Dalton I couldn't believe they had said I smell like monkey toots. And Dalton in all seriousness, tells me "Aimee, it's a compliment, it's a compliment in our heads."
Apparently, God has a sense of humor because this is my love language: 2 little boys telling me I smell like horrible animal bi-products and it's a compliment.
My God loves me! I am reminded of Psalm 23: My cup over flows. Tonight my heart over flows.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Falling in Love with the Fashionably Southern
Today, I had a random memory of the first time I saw Gone with The Wind come to me. It made me smile and think of my grandmother. I was a preteen and the summer before I had spent it between my grandparents and aunts and uncles. I remember my Grandmother Buzzard loves Gone with the Wind and had purchased my first copy for me, then insisted on reading it first to make sure it was "correct."
I fell in love with the fashionably southern times of Margaret Mitchell's world. I laughed and cried along with Scarlet and both loved and hated her as many of her admirers did. The next winter when my grandparents came to visit, I watched the movie for the first time with my grandmother. We were in between baking, as I remember, so we had to use the up-stairs television (We were always in between baking as that is what we do when we are together. Us, Midwesterners, bake in the winter as we can not leave the house, too much snow, so a four hour movie is right up our alley).
Now don't think the up-stairs television makes us fancy people...it was 13in black and white garage sale find with rabbit-ears and tin foil. We use to play Atari on it (yep, space invaders and froggers...maybe we were fancy folks). Anyway, I am grateful for that black and white TV as it is truly the only reason I remember watching the movie for the first time.
There is the famous scene in Gone with the Wind where Scarlet broke and desperate to save Tara after the war, must go to town and wrangler her up some money or a husband or two. She has to humble herself again in front of Rhett Butler and she will be darn if she will go in rags so she cuts up her momma's good curtains. Watching on black and white, you don't see the lushness of the green and gold that was meant to be the fabric, the evidence of a once wealth family and the only reason I remember the curtains are green and gold was my grandmother described the color to me as the green of a field and the gold of corn husk. As we filled the house with the smells of cinnamon rolls and Christmas, she told me the story of her and grandpa going to see it in the movie theaters. I never loved Scarlet O'Hara more than at that time.
A sweet memory...one I will keep for a long time. I love you Grandma Buzzard.
I fell in love with the fashionably southern times of Margaret Mitchell's world. I laughed and cried along with Scarlet and both loved and hated her as many of her admirers did. The next winter when my grandparents came to visit, I watched the movie for the first time with my grandmother. We were in between baking, as I remember, so we had to use the up-stairs television (We were always in between baking as that is what we do when we are together. Us, Midwesterners, bake in the winter as we can not leave the house, too much snow, so a four hour movie is right up our alley).
Now don't think the up-stairs television makes us fancy people...it was 13in black and white garage sale find with rabbit-ears and tin foil. We use to play Atari on it (yep, space invaders and froggers...maybe we were fancy folks). Anyway, I am grateful for that black and white TV as it is truly the only reason I remember watching the movie for the first time.
There is the famous scene in Gone with the Wind where Scarlet broke and desperate to save Tara after the war, must go to town and wrangler her up some money or a husband or two. She has to humble herself again in front of Rhett Butler and she will be darn if she will go in rags so she cuts up her momma's good curtains. Watching on black and white, you don't see the lushness of the green and gold that was meant to be the fabric, the evidence of a once wealth family and the only reason I remember the curtains are green and gold was my grandmother described the color to me as the green of a field and the gold of corn husk. As we filled the house with the smells of cinnamon rolls and Christmas, she told me the story of her and grandpa going to see it in the movie theaters. I never loved Scarlet O'Hara more than at that time.
A sweet memory...one I will keep for a long time. I love you Grandma Buzzard.
Friday, August 6, 2010
Word Art or Translation part 2
I began by rewriting a famous Psalm and ended up with an art piece. All along it felt like worship. God speaks in so many ways. How amazing!
I once said when first reading the Message that I couldn't imagine being bold enough to attempt to 'rewrite' God's words...I need to be more careful what I say. Here I am spending the evening with a personal translation from the Lord. What freedom there is in His unending Love!
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Translation
Psalm 23
A David Psalm
1-3 God, my shepherd! I don't need a thing.
You have bedded me down in lush meadows,
you find me quiet pools to drink from.
True to your word,
you let me catch my breath
and send me in the right direction.
4 Even when the way goes through
Death Valley,
I'm not afraid
when you walk at my side.
Your trusty shepherd's crook
makes me feel secure.
5 You serve me a six-course dinner
right in front of my enemies.
You revive my drooping head;
my cup brims with blessing.
6 Your beauty and love chase after me
every day of my life.
I'm back home in the house of God
for the rest of my life.
Psalm 23
An Aimee Song
My prayer for tonight:
God, my constant provider! I don't need a thing.
You have put me to rest in the bed of your arms,
you find me quiet times to fill my thirst.
True to your promises, you let me catch my breath
and correct the direction of my heart.
Even when the path to bring me closer to you
leads me through darkness,
I'm not afraid when you walk me through it.
Your love draws me in and makes me feel secure.
You care for my needs beyond my imagination
even in front of those who do me harm.
You revive my broken heart;
my life brims with blessing.
Your beauty and love chase after me
every day, every hour, every moment of my life.
I'm where I belong,
home in the house of God
for the rest of my life.
A David Psalm
1-3 God, my shepherd! I don't need a thing.
You have bedded me down in lush meadows,
you find me quiet pools to drink from.
True to your word,
you let me catch my breath
and send me in the right direction.
4 Even when the way goes through
Death Valley,
I'm not afraid
when you walk at my side.
Your trusty shepherd's crook
makes me feel secure.
5 You serve me a six-course dinner
right in front of my enemies.
You revive my drooping head;
my cup brims with blessing.
6 Your beauty and love chase after me
every day of my life.
I'm back home in the house of God
for the rest of my life.
Psalm 23
An Aimee Song
My prayer for tonight:
God, my constant provider! I don't need a thing.
You have put me to rest in the bed of your arms,
you find me quiet times to fill my thirst.
True to your promises, you let me catch my breath
and correct the direction of my heart.
Even when the path to bring me closer to you
leads me through darkness,
I'm not afraid when you walk me through it.
Your love draws me in and makes me feel secure.
You care for my needs beyond my imagination
even in front of those who do me harm.
You revive my broken heart;
my life brims with blessing.
Your beauty and love chase after me
every day, every hour, every moment of my life.
I'm where I belong,
home in the house of God
for the rest of my life.
Getting lost in the In-Between
The serpent told the Woman, "You won't die.
God knows that the moment you eat from that tree,
you'll see what's really going on. You'll be
just like God, knowing everything, ranging
all the way from good to evil."
Genesis 3:4-5
The other day, I felt like I had the weight of the world on my shoulder. Seeing sick people, weeping for those who are hurting, caring for those around me. Sometimes I am too capable for my own good (sigh). I know God didn't create me to bare that burden. It is his and his alone but many times I forget and get lost in the heartache that surrounds us.
The deception Satan sometimes traps me in is that gray area where I am able to take care for so many things that I forget that total reliance on God which he calls us to be in ALL THE TIME. I tend to call out to God in despiration at the bottom of the bottom or praise on top of the mountain. But when I am in the hurry of my day or week or moment, I will many times think to myself "I have to do this and this and this." And lately I am finding God say where am in I in that list? I am not talking about spending time in the word or pray, I am talking about the constant list of things we have to-do.
Does He really care what kind of toothpaste I brush my teeth with or what I am cooking for dinner or the never-ending little decisions I chose that make up my day?
My God wants every detail of my life. He has provided for it. While I want to be what he wants me to be, I am struggling with this.
Seek the Kingdom of God
above all else, and live righteously,
and he will give you everything you need.
Matthew 6:33
He pays even greater attention to you,
down to the last detail—even numbering
the hairs on your head!
Matthew 10:30
I know eventually he will provide me with way to move my head knowledge to my heart knowledge but this is where I am now. Struggling, getting lost in the in-between of the day to day. Learning how to be less capable.
Lord,
I'll wait for you.
I am counting on you.
Aimee
God knows that the moment you eat from that tree,
you'll see what's really going on. You'll be
just like God, knowing everything, ranging
all the way from good to evil."
Genesis 3:4-5
The other day, I felt like I had the weight of the world on my shoulder. Seeing sick people, weeping for those who are hurting, caring for those around me. Sometimes I am too capable for my own good (sigh). I know God didn't create me to bare that burden. It is his and his alone but many times I forget and get lost in the heartache that surrounds us.
The deception Satan sometimes traps me in is that gray area where I am able to take care for so many things that I forget that total reliance on God which he calls us to be in ALL THE TIME. I tend to call out to God in despiration at the bottom of the bottom or praise on top of the mountain. But when I am in the hurry of my day or week or moment, I will many times think to myself "I have to do this and this and this." And lately I am finding God say where am in I in that list? I am not talking about spending time in the word or pray, I am talking about the constant list of things we have to-do.
Does He really care what kind of toothpaste I brush my teeth with or what I am cooking for dinner or the never-ending little decisions I chose that make up my day?
My God wants every detail of my life. He has provided for it. While I want to be what he wants me to be, I am struggling with this.
Seek the Kingdom of God
above all else, and live righteously,
and he will give you everything you need.
Matthew 6:33
He pays even greater attention to you,
down to the last detail—even numbering
the hairs on your head!
Matthew 10:30
I know eventually he will provide me with way to move my head knowledge to my heart knowledge but this is where I am now. Struggling, getting lost in the in-between of the day to day. Learning how to be less capable.
Lord,
I'll wait for you.
I am counting on you.
Aimee
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Bragging on Jesus
I just wanted to share how fabulous my Sunday was and it really was all because of Jesus. I am so broken right now, emotionally, spiritually, physically; I am just spent from the last several months and add Kids Camp last week, you can add exhaustion and an twisted knee. I wouldn't have gotten through today without Jesus on my side or rather one step ahead of me.
Here is a list of how I saw him move:
1. Slept in until 9:25 but managed to make it to church by 9:45, before parents and kids.
2. My 2 volunteers at the 10 o'clock service were early.
3. I had an extra volunteer show up which was greatly needed with 5 kids and one of our girls was off her meds.
4. The girl off her meds had a good morning, without major meltdowns.
5. The parent volunteer who starting helping in the class was amazing and is willing to help again.
6. We had the best giggles and when it was time to leave, one of our kids goes "I want to stay here forever."
7. The new volunteer starting at the 11:30 service, showed up 30mins early, walked in and without needing much directions, starting playing with kids, no hesitation or fear.
8. The new volunteer managed to get one of our most challenging kids to play with him. This kid usually plays only by himself, we have not been able to get him to engage easily and many times when he does, the play turns destructive. Not today.
9. This kid finally made it all the way through worship. Kids worship is only 3 songs but he has not been able to stay in the room for the whole time. This has been a 5 month long process which today we had success.
10. This kid also made it through story time without losing it.
11. We were finally able to transition one of our kids into the 3s classroom without a problem for the first time. I was even able to leave after 30mins and then got a 25min break to be able to chat and talk with friends.
12. I was watching one of our kids who never smiles, crack a smile and when I pointed it out to his mom that he was smiling, instead of stopping and denying he was smiling like he would normally do, he cracks up giggling. As he left, we heard the whole family laughing down the hall. It was a great moment.
OK as I am writing this I am shaking my head because even I don't believe this list...but it goes on.
13. I had one of my favorite volunteers and my dear friend show up to say hi. She is taking a 6 month break which may turn out to be a permanent break and the Lord is preparing my heart for what my head already knows. I was so excited to see her. I hugged her and started crying, then she starting crying. Her husband had to walk down the hallway because we were making a fool of ourselves. But it was fabulous.
14. I heard a major praise report from a parent and I am so thankful to hear a prayer answered in a big way from the Lord.
15. The new volunteer asked if he could come back every Sunday.
16. The new (most amazing) volunteer offered to take over vacuuming my classroom every week.
17. The new (super most amazing) volunteer insisted on helping me unload my car from all the camp stuff.
18. The new (gift from God super most amazing) volunteer on the second trip from unloading my car from all the camp stuff, told me "Thanks for letting me serve. I have a servant's heart and it's great to have the opportunity."
Seriously, I am not making this up. It will probably go on "the top 10 moments of my ministry time" list and it goes on.
19. Susan Boucard had a word for me that was tremendous. Thank you.
20. Caroline Foster lead evening worship. Caroline never leads evening worship. It was amazing and I am pretty sure she was there just for me.
21. MaryAnn Cates...need I say more.
22. I received two unexpected Thank yous. They are always nice to hear.
This was truly the most incredible day from my most incredible Savior. To add to all of this, I had a good hair day and managed a nap. I just wanted to share and brag on Jesus a little.
Love Aimee
Here is a list of how I saw him move:
1. Slept in until 9:25 but managed to make it to church by 9:45, before parents and kids.
2. My 2 volunteers at the 10 o'clock service were early.
3. I had an extra volunteer show up which was greatly needed with 5 kids and one of our girls was off her meds.
4. The girl off her meds had a good morning, without major meltdowns.
5. The parent volunteer who starting helping in the class was amazing and is willing to help again.
6. We had the best giggles and when it was time to leave, one of our kids goes "I want to stay here forever."
7. The new volunteer starting at the 11:30 service, showed up 30mins early, walked in and without needing much directions, starting playing with kids, no hesitation or fear.
8. The new volunteer managed to get one of our most challenging kids to play with him. This kid usually plays only by himself, we have not been able to get him to engage easily and many times when he does, the play turns destructive. Not today.
9. This kid finally made it all the way through worship. Kids worship is only 3 songs but he has not been able to stay in the room for the whole time. This has been a 5 month long process which today we had success.
10. This kid also made it through story time without losing it.
11. We were finally able to transition one of our kids into the 3s classroom without a problem for the first time. I was even able to leave after 30mins and then got a 25min break to be able to chat and talk with friends.
12. I was watching one of our kids who never smiles, crack a smile and when I pointed it out to his mom that he was smiling, instead of stopping and denying he was smiling like he would normally do, he cracks up giggling. As he left, we heard the whole family laughing down the hall. It was a great moment.
OK as I am writing this I am shaking my head because even I don't believe this list...but it goes on.
13. I had one of my favorite volunteers and my dear friend show up to say hi. She is taking a 6 month break which may turn out to be a permanent break and the Lord is preparing my heart for what my head already knows. I was so excited to see her. I hugged her and started crying, then she starting crying. Her husband had to walk down the hallway because we were making a fool of ourselves. But it was fabulous.
14. I heard a major praise report from a parent and I am so thankful to hear a prayer answered in a big way from the Lord.
15. The new volunteer asked if he could come back every Sunday.
16. The new (most amazing) volunteer offered to take over vacuuming my classroom every week.
17. The new (super most amazing) volunteer insisted on helping me unload my car from all the camp stuff.
18. The new (gift from God super most amazing) volunteer on the second trip from unloading my car from all the camp stuff, told me "Thanks for letting me serve. I have a servant's heart and it's great to have the opportunity."
Seriously, I am not making this up. It will probably go on "the top 10 moments of my ministry time" list and it goes on.
19. Susan Boucard had a word for me that was tremendous. Thank you.
20. Caroline Foster lead evening worship. Caroline never leads evening worship. It was amazing and I am pretty sure she was there just for me.
21. MaryAnn Cates...need I say more.
22. I received two unexpected Thank yous. They are always nice to hear.
This was truly the most incredible day from my most incredible Savior. To add to all of this, I had a good hair day and managed a nap. I just wanted to share and brag on Jesus a little.
Love Aimee
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Swimming in Liquid Glory
I am impatient. I don't like to wait for change to happen. I don't like a slow process or many steps. I want change to happen with a snap of the finger or a blink (oh to be Samantha from Bewitch! wiggle your nose and get what you want, that would be amazing!). Yet I was thrilled several months ago reading this verse in 1 Peter:
Friends, when life gets really difficult, don't jump to the conclusion that God isn't on the job. Instead, be glad that you are in the very thick of what Christ experienced. This is a spiritual refining process, with glory just around the corner.
Glory just around the corner? Seriously. I live in a world where 7-11 is just around the corner, Applebees is your neighborhood bar and grill, Wal-Mart has it all and for a bargain, and if that doesn't work, Amazon delivers. Peter is talking about God being around the corner, his Glory? Really? just around the corner? My corner? That sounds too easy?
I would meagerly define God's glory as seeing, hearing, touching, smelling God, Knowing he exists from every pore of your body but that just doesn't even begin to define it. I know in my limited, blinded time on this earth, I have had moments where God has shown me His Glory and I have been moved to tears and trembled in the sight of it. The old Testament says Moses was allowed to see a glimpse of God's glory but to see the face of God would kill a man. I think maybe I have seen a sliver of a sliver of an ant's toe nail of God's glory. Yet it has drawn me in like it's a tornado stirring up everything in it's path. I want to seek it out and find it again and again and again. And when I read that His Glory is just around the corner...well, this makes me want to hunt it, like its' some treasure marked with an x. I want to go running around my block until I run right into it. I want to swim in his glory from head to toe and roll around in it until it takes my breath away. I am excited with the hope of it.
For days after this, I dreamt about a big bowl of liquid glory which engulfed me and comforted me and thrilled me. All I could focus on was His Glory. I was promised it was just around the corner...
God's glory isn't something I earn or deserve. His glory is already paid for and given though the radiance which is His Son on the cross. I get to participate in it. I simply get to walk in a path designed to bring me closer everyday. And this verse reminds me to take comfort that this path is thick and heavy with problems, frustrations, heartbreaks, detours, mountains and mole hills, loses and devastation, catastrophes, disasters, difficulties, impossibilities and improbabilities. But all of those things don't matter.
You know why?
Glory is just around the corner.
Lord,
Thank you for filling me with hope tonight.
Reminding me of the promises a life lived with you is worth.
For wetting my taste buds with glory that is yet to come.
For radiating your Father's love in your death.
I pray I continue to walk the path you have laid out for me.
Help me clinge to the hope of your words.
In your might name.
Amen.
Friends, when life gets really difficult, don't jump to the conclusion that God isn't on the job. Instead, be glad that you are in the very thick of what Christ experienced. This is a spiritual refining process, with glory just around the corner.
Glory just around the corner? Seriously. I live in a world where 7-11 is just around the corner, Applebees is your neighborhood bar and grill, Wal-Mart has it all and for a bargain, and if that doesn't work, Amazon delivers. Peter is talking about God being around the corner, his Glory? Really? just around the corner? My corner? That sounds too easy?
I would meagerly define God's glory as seeing, hearing, touching, smelling God, Knowing he exists from every pore of your body but that just doesn't even begin to define it. I know in my limited, blinded time on this earth, I have had moments where God has shown me His Glory and I have been moved to tears and trembled in the sight of it. The old Testament says Moses was allowed to see a glimpse of God's glory but to see the face of God would kill a man. I think maybe I have seen a sliver of a sliver of an ant's toe nail of God's glory. Yet it has drawn me in like it's a tornado stirring up everything in it's path. I want to seek it out and find it again and again and again. And when I read that His Glory is just around the corner...well, this makes me want to hunt it, like its' some treasure marked with an x. I want to go running around my block until I run right into it. I want to swim in his glory from head to toe and roll around in it until it takes my breath away. I am excited with the hope of it.
For days after this, I dreamt about a big bowl of liquid glory which engulfed me and comforted me and thrilled me. All I could focus on was His Glory. I was promised it was just around the corner...
God's glory isn't something I earn or deserve. His glory is already paid for and given though the radiance which is His Son on the cross. I get to participate in it. I simply get to walk in a path designed to bring me closer everyday. And this verse reminds me to take comfort that this path is thick and heavy with problems, frustrations, heartbreaks, detours, mountains and mole hills, loses and devastation, catastrophes, disasters, difficulties, impossibilities and improbabilities. But all of those things don't matter.
You know why?
Glory is just around the corner.
Lord,
Thank you for filling me with hope tonight.
Reminding me of the promises a life lived with you is worth.
For wetting my taste buds with glory that is yet to come.
For radiating your Father's love in your death.
I pray I continue to walk the path you have laid out for me.
Help me clinge to the hope of your words.
In your might name.
Amen.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Servant hearts
We had an auction at church today to help raise funds for kids camp. I went today and promised myself I would do whatever anyone asked me to do. Several weeks ago, I realized I needed to change my heart about serving.
I love my church and I serve almost every Sunday-loving a class of special needs kids. While I do this willingly, I also began walking into church thinking "oh I don't have to serve this time, I can be served today." I realised I need to walk-in to church believing there is an oppurtunity to serve the Lord here. This is my church. In fact, I need to walk into life as this is an oppurtunity to serve the Lord. Sometimes that may be serving the church but it also may be serving my family, those I work with or some stranger whose path crosses mine.
I think of the story of Ruth and Naomi. Ruth served Naomi even when her world said forget her. Her willingness to serve not only changed her life but also ours as from her family came Jesus. She didn't preach to thousands but she served her friend and God. It was the little things.
Tonight I meet this sweet couple who prepares food for the seniors at my church. Cindy and Barney. They love to cook and plan meals and simply serve. They are doing what they love to do but they are also providing a gift to those in our church. Serving with a glad heart and loving what they are doing. What a sweet example they are.
Thank you Cindy and Barney!
I love my church and I serve almost every Sunday-loving a class of special needs kids. While I do this willingly, I also began walking into church thinking "oh I don't have to serve this time, I can be served today." I realised I need to walk-in to church believing there is an oppurtunity to serve the Lord here. This is my church. In fact, I need to walk into life as this is an oppurtunity to serve the Lord. Sometimes that may be serving the church but it also may be serving my family, those I work with or some stranger whose path crosses mine.
I think of the story of Ruth and Naomi. Ruth served Naomi even when her world said forget her. Her willingness to serve not only changed her life but also ours as from her family came Jesus. She didn't preach to thousands but she served her friend and God. It was the little things.
Tonight I meet this sweet couple who prepares food for the seniors at my church. Cindy and Barney. They love to cook and plan meals and simply serve. They are doing what they love to do but they are also providing a gift to those in our church. Serving with a glad heart and loving what they are doing. What a sweet example they are.
Thank you Cindy and Barney!
Friday, May 21, 2010
Stole my heart
So I am completely in love with these 2 little boys at work. They are so cute. I walked in one Monday and one of them runs up to hug me. He looks at my shoes and says "Aimee, are those your new shoes?" (me-"uhuh.") "They're cute." He hugs me then runs away again.
I am a total sucker but he has my heart.
No dead dogs
I am still on the mend from my cold. The low grade temp which I have been running off and on for the last 2 days has finally seemed to break this evening but I still have a little cough and a super headache.
I have spent the majority of the day veggying and watching what I like to call "bad" movies. I would term any movie which would be considered chick flick, made for tv or which the word dude is used as a "bad" movie. I am a movie snob. I freely admit this but my secret is that I love the "bad" movie as much as I love the "good" movie (which would include all of Cary Grant's movies, Frank Capra and things that make you think). I love the movies that let you turn off and believe that good guys always win when attacked by large robotic aliens, happy endings happen all the time and baseball games are romantic ;)
These last 2 days being homesick, I watched some funny little lifetime movies about a fashion writer who solves mysteries on the side while wearing 4in heels and vintage couture. Very cute with titles like "Killer Hair" and "Hostile Makeover." I had some good chuckles.
So tonight I was trying to convince my mom to watch this movie about a dog with me. She will not watch anything that has to do with Vietnam, that severed body parts might fly across the screen or where dogs die. She absoletly refused even though I promised that the dog didn't die in this movie but rather the human. She didn't believe me and told me to go ahead and I could tell her all about it.
(My mom is still traumatized from watching "Marley & me" shortly after our dog of 17 years died. She hasn't yet forgiven me for that movie choice even though I did warn her the dog died in that one.)
So I set down to watch "Hachi: a dog's tale." It was cute and sweet. My dog flexed several ears at the puppy on the screen who barked and Jack was ready to chase the yellow squeeky ball even when the dog on screen wouldn't.
I hate to admit this but my mom was right. Please don't tell. The stupid dog dies at the end making this stupid person watching it cry like a baby (including snotty nose) which makes my head hurt more. I think I am going to have to listen to my mom and become more subjective in my bad movie choices.
Movie rule #1: no dead dogs.
I have spent the majority of the day veggying and watching what I like to call "bad" movies. I would term any movie which would be considered chick flick, made for tv or which the word dude is used as a "bad" movie. I am a movie snob. I freely admit this but my secret is that I love the "bad" movie as much as I love the "good" movie (which would include all of Cary Grant's movies, Frank Capra and things that make you think). I love the movies that let you turn off and believe that good guys always win when attacked by large robotic aliens, happy endings happen all the time and baseball games are romantic ;)
These last 2 days being homesick, I watched some funny little lifetime movies about a fashion writer who solves mysteries on the side while wearing 4in heels and vintage couture. Very cute with titles like "Killer Hair" and "Hostile Makeover." I had some good chuckles.
So tonight I was trying to convince my mom to watch this movie about a dog with me. She will not watch anything that has to do with Vietnam, that severed body parts might fly across the screen or where dogs die. She absoletly refused even though I promised that the dog didn't die in this movie but rather the human. She didn't believe me and told me to go ahead and I could tell her all about it.
(My mom is still traumatized from watching "Marley & me" shortly after our dog of 17 years died. She hasn't yet forgiven me for that movie choice even though I did warn her the dog died in that one.)
So I set down to watch "Hachi: a dog's tale." It was cute and sweet. My dog flexed several ears at the puppy on the screen who barked and Jack was ready to chase the yellow squeeky ball even when the dog on screen wouldn't.
I hate to admit this but my mom was right. Please don't tell. The stupid dog dies at the end making this stupid person watching it cry like a baby (including snotty nose) which makes my head hurt more. I think I am going to have to listen to my mom and become more subjective in my bad movie choices.
Movie rule #1: no dead dogs.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Loving the exceptional and lessons learned
My heart bubbles over tonight. I have been serving in a special needs sunday school for the past five years. I love this class. This is where kids who don't fit in, get to fit in...fit right in the arms of Christ, excatly where they were made to fit. I love this class. Loving these kids and sharing the love of Jesus with them fills me up, even when it wears me out.
This class was started 7 or 8 years ago in my church. Just a place that parents who attended service could leave their special needs child. After a year of attending New life, there was a notice in the bullentin about serving in Exceptional Kids. I thought to myself "Oh...I am a nurse...I can help with that." There were 8 kids in the class, all with different needs and conditions. I had been working with kids with special needs in my job for several years at that point, even attending school and sunday school with them. I saw the need to love these kids and was happy to help my church in this way. No big deal, right?
Wrong. I should have know God would change my life, my relationships, my heart.
When I started, I had trouble loving those in my life who God had called me to love, namely my brother. My brother is an Exceptional person. Diagnosed with a mental illness when he was younger, he has been in and out of hospitals, jails, homeless shelters, rehabs and in and out of our family. We went over a year without seeing him and knowing where he was. One of my worst memories is of sitting outside of his room, waiting for his medication to kick in, listening to him scream for over 30 minutes that someone was trying to kill him, he was all alone in the room at the time. I struggled with seeing my brother outside of his diagnosis and his disease. All I saw was this all consuming disease which had destroyed his life and many of our family moments. I was ready to give up and not love him at all. I was rock bottom in our relationship, my well was completely dry.
I had a conversation with my mom when I started in Exceptional Kids about loving these kids because sometimes it was too hard to love my brother. I started working with these kids and sharing Jesus with them. It's a challege some sundays, when they don't want to make eye contact, don't always respond or talk or walk, or they say or do something uncomfortable. I mean really how do you share Jesus with a kid who doesn't talk except by the grace of God. I have come to see these kids are made whole by the love of Christ. I know they are amazing and made in the image of God, just like you and me. He has created them for a purpose and a plan that is beyond my inkling. That's not to say I don't have moments where I am intimidated by the look and sound of a kid.
This happend one Sunday with a young man named Brandon. He is 19, autistic, blind, and deaf; he must walk with assistance and makes loud noises and spends most of the morning, gnawing on himself. Brandon is locked in his own little bubble. I looked at Brandon and had no clue what to do with him. I figured we would just be there to watch him as his mom and sister get a much needed break Sunday mornings. I didn't think anything I did in the class would help him. One Sunday, Brandon's mom came in to get him, we simply turned Brandon around to face her, Brandon immediately scooted to her and wrapped his arms around her. His face shinned with a peace and knowledge that he was loved and safe. As two of the volunteers and I stood there and watched, we were stunned, we had never seen this connection with him. And right there, I heard from the Lord..."Aimee, I am already here. All you must do is love him."
What is God if not love? (1 John 4:7-9)
Brandon may not ever say his name or tell his mom "I love you" or ever raise his hand to accept Jesus but he loves and recieves love. How can I not love him? How can I not love my brother?
I no longer love my brother out of obligation but out of a sense of joy. When I started in Exceptional kids, I started asking the Lord to love Danny (my brother) because I couldn't. I bargained with God, I will love these kids over here if you love him. Then after that moment with Brandon, I started asking him to show me how to love Danny, to grow my capacity to love. He answered BIG. I love Danny because he is Danny, beyond the disease and diagnosis, he is a sweet man who struggles and fails but who can and does recieve love.
My heart overflows tonight. I have learned so much from this class and my time with them. I see brokeness on a new level. We are all broken, sometimes on the inside, sometimes on the outside but the only thing that heals us and makes us whole, is the Love of Jesus.
Jesus is for everyone.
This class was started 7 or 8 years ago in my church. Just a place that parents who attended service could leave their special needs child. After a year of attending New life, there was a notice in the bullentin about serving in Exceptional Kids. I thought to myself "Oh...I am a nurse...I can help with that." There were 8 kids in the class, all with different needs and conditions. I had been working with kids with special needs in my job for several years at that point, even attending school and sunday school with them. I saw the need to love these kids and was happy to help my church in this way. No big deal, right?
Wrong. I should have know God would change my life, my relationships, my heart.
When I started, I had trouble loving those in my life who God had called me to love, namely my brother. My brother is an Exceptional person. Diagnosed with a mental illness when he was younger, he has been in and out of hospitals, jails, homeless shelters, rehabs and in and out of our family. We went over a year without seeing him and knowing where he was. One of my worst memories is of sitting outside of his room, waiting for his medication to kick in, listening to him scream for over 30 minutes that someone was trying to kill him, he was all alone in the room at the time. I struggled with seeing my brother outside of his diagnosis and his disease. All I saw was this all consuming disease which had destroyed his life and many of our family moments. I was ready to give up and not love him at all. I was rock bottom in our relationship, my well was completely dry.
I had a conversation with my mom when I started in Exceptional Kids about loving these kids because sometimes it was too hard to love my brother. I started working with these kids and sharing Jesus with them. It's a challege some sundays, when they don't want to make eye contact, don't always respond or talk or walk, or they say or do something uncomfortable. I mean really how do you share Jesus with a kid who doesn't talk except by the grace of God. I have come to see these kids are made whole by the love of Christ. I know they are amazing and made in the image of God, just like you and me. He has created them for a purpose and a plan that is beyond my inkling. That's not to say I don't have moments where I am intimidated by the look and sound of a kid.
This happend one Sunday with a young man named Brandon. He is 19, autistic, blind, and deaf; he must walk with assistance and makes loud noises and spends most of the morning, gnawing on himself. Brandon is locked in his own little bubble. I looked at Brandon and had no clue what to do with him. I figured we would just be there to watch him as his mom and sister get a much needed break Sunday mornings. I didn't think anything I did in the class would help him. One Sunday, Brandon's mom came in to get him, we simply turned Brandon around to face her, Brandon immediately scooted to her and wrapped his arms around her. His face shinned with a peace and knowledge that he was loved and safe. As two of the volunteers and I stood there and watched, we were stunned, we had never seen this connection with him. And right there, I heard from the Lord..."Aimee, I am already here. All you must do is love him."
What is God if not love? (1 John 4:7-9)
Brandon may not ever say his name or tell his mom "I love you" or ever raise his hand to accept Jesus but he loves and recieves love. How can I not love him? How can I not love my brother?
I no longer love my brother out of obligation but out of a sense of joy. When I started in Exceptional kids, I started asking the Lord to love Danny (my brother) because I couldn't. I bargained with God, I will love these kids over here if you love him. Then after that moment with Brandon, I started asking him to show me how to love Danny, to grow my capacity to love. He answered BIG. I love Danny because he is Danny, beyond the disease and diagnosis, he is a sweet man who struggles and fails but who can and does recieve love.
My heart overflows tonight. I have learned so much from this class and my time with them. I see brokeness on a new level. We are all broken, sometimes on the inside, sometimes on the outside but the only thing that heals us and makes us whole, is the Love of Jesus.
Jesus is for everyone.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
When pride stinks...
I have been thinking about my next blog post for sometime now...stories role around in my head and I think 'oh they will like that.'...Then I hear the Lord whisper 'Aimee, that's your pride showing.'
Insert Jaws theme...the dreaded P word. How I want to deny it exists. How I wish it wasn't a part of my makeup. How I squirm in my seat just thinking about it. I feel like a little kid squirming uncomfortable with the knowledge the teacher is going to call on me next.
Yes, Pride is such a thorn in my back side. The funny thing is I was going to write about how God has been working on my pride through my little dog Jack. I had this big sob story. You see my little dog is quite a handful. He's not the most friendliest of dog or most well behaved. But I work on it with him and he has good days and bad days and some somewhere in between. He was abused as a puppy (insert tear) and he is still very fearful which comes out as occasional aggression towards others and especially other animals (if you have a tail, stay away from Jack). I have had him for 2 years now and though he loves me, there are days when he is scared of me. The other day I got one of those instant biscuit tubes out of the fridge and simply turned around with him under my feet, he tucks his tail and runs outta the kitchen, like I am going to hit him with it. I have never hit this dog, I barely correct him. I was devastated that after 2 years, he
would think I would hurt him. I know it looks like a stick but please. Then I got to thinking who did I think I was? Like how am I going to heal the abuses of the pasts, how am I going to correct what was wrong but already done to this creature? That's God's job. He is the
ultimate healer. I am just called to love like he does. Then I think do I do this with the lord. Do I tuck my tail and run out the room when I think correction is going to happen. OK...now I think my pride has been checked and I can move on (like it will never happen again).
But noooooo...several weeks later, my lovely little dog begins peeing and moaning every time he tries to jump. Of course this is also the week I got thee most horrible respiratory flu in my life (temperatures, lost my voice, horrible hacking cough), all I wanted to do was be curled up in my bed with the covers over my head. I am a good pet owner so even though I was sick, I did take him to see his favorite vet. I kind of mimed what I needed to say to her (since my voice sounded like a record on sand paper) and she went to examine him. He promptly bit her. I feel so terrible, she was of course graceful and insists we try again. She examines his hips and tail and
says OK something is not quite right. Time for xrays.
"His hips are dislocated."
She said "hips" meaning both of them. At the top of my non-existent voice I scream "What? He is 4 years old, how does he dislocate his hips?" Really I am thinking 'Man am I a horrible pet owner? I don't even know how he did this.' She says this happens to some dogs and more than likely it will happen again with him. She recommends they put him under today, take more xrays and try to pop the hips back in their sockets. Of course I said yes, immediately and she goes to take him from the room.
"Oh by the way, he's had diarrhea. It's probably just because he is nervous."
I never want to hear those words again in my life. I come to pick him up from he is little ordeal at the Vet and the techs says he's had this problem several more times. In fact, I have to come back tomorrow for his leash because they had to do laundry, it was so bad. I apologise and listen carefully to the directions to care for him and rush back home as quickly as possible as I don't want to have this problem in my car. We make it through the evening and I think I am
home free. I am exhausted, I feel so bad for my little guy. I tuck us into bed and fall asleep, so thankful the day is done.
Insert Jaws theme...the dreaded P word. How I want to deny it exists. How I wish it wasn't a part of my makeup. How I squirm in my seat just thinking about it. I feel like a little kid squirming uncomfortable with the knowledge the teacher is going to call on me next.
Yes, Pride is such a thorn in my back side. The funny thing is I was going to write about how God has been working on my pride through my little dog Jack. I had this big sob story. You see my little dog is quite a handful. He's not the most friendliest of dog or most well behaved. But I work on it with him and he has good days and bad days and some somewhere in between. He was abused as a puppy (insert tear) and he is still very fearful which comes out as occasional aggression towards others and especially other animals (if you have a tail, stay away from Jack). I have had him for 2 years now and though he loves me, there are days when he is scared of me. The other day I got one of those instant biscuit tubes out of the fridge and simply turned around with him under my feet, he tucks his tail and runs outta the kitchen, like I am going to hit him with it. I have never hit this dog, I barely correct him. I was devastated that after 2 years, he
would think I would hurt him. I know it looks like a stick but please. Then I got to thinking who did I think I was? Like how am I going to heal the abuses of the pasts, how am I going to correct what was wrong but already done to this creature? That's God's job. He is the
ultimate healer. I am just called to love like he does. Then I think do I do this with the lord. Do I tuck my tail and run out the room when I think correction is going to happen. OK...now I think my pride has been checked and I can move on (like it will never happen again).
But noooooo...several weeks later, my lovely little dog begins peeing and moaning every time he tries to jump. Of course this is also the week I got thee most horrible respiratory flu in my life (temperatures, lost my voice, horrible hacking cough), all I wanted to do was be curled up in my bed with the covers over my head. I am a good pet owner so even though I was sick, I did take him to see his favorite vet. I kind of mimed what I needed to say to her (since my voice sounded like a record on sand paper) and she went to examine him. He promptly bit her. I feel so terrible, she was of course graceful and insists we try again. She examines his hips and tail and
says OK something is not quite right. Time for xrays.
"His hips are dislocated."
She said "hips" meaning both of them. At the top of my non-existent voice I scream "What? He is 4 years old, how does he dislocate his hips?" Really I am thinking 'Man am I a horrible pet owner? I don't even know how he did this.' She says this happens to some dogs and more than likely it will happen again with him. She recommends they put him under today, take more xrays and try to pop the hips back in their sockets. Of course I said yes, immediately and she goes to take him from the room.
"Oh by the way, he's had diarrhea. It's probably just because he is nervous."
I never want to hear those words again in my life. I come to pick him up from he is little ordeal at the Vet and the techs says he's had this problem several more times. In fact, I have to come back tomorrow for his leash because they had to do laundry, it was so bad. I apologise and listen carefully to the directions to care for him and rush back home as quickly as possible as I don't want to have this problem in my car. We make it through the evening and I think I am
home free. I am exhausted, I feel so bad for my little guy. I tuck us into bed and fall asleep, so thankful the day is done.
OH, HOW NAIVE I WAS!
We had runs at midnight, 2am and somewhere between 4 and 6am. Two baths in one night, a pile of laundry, 1 bottle a febreeze and several runs down the stairs and out to the puppy patch, 2 telephone calls with the all night vet line, an urgent text to my mom in the morning
to request medication be picked up immediately! I am dizzy with the combination of medication, lack of sleep and the terror we will need to run downstairs again (Are you snickering? I am glad you can laugh at the misery) I couldn't breath, never so grateful for the flu in my life. I can't do laundry in my apartment building until 8am. So everything was washed out as best it could be
but I NEED to do laundry. I get in there as soon as 8 am rolls around...
We had runs at midnight, 2am and somewhere between 4 and 6am. Two baths in one night, a pile of laundry, 1 bottle a febreeze and several runs down the stairs and out to the puppy patch, 2 telephone calls with the all night vet line, an urgent text to my mom in the morning
to request medication be picked up immediately! I am dizzy with the combination of medication, lack of sleep and the terror we will need to run downstairs again (Are you snickering? I am glad you can laugh at the misery) I couldn't breath, never so grateful for the flu in my life. I can't do laundry in my apartment building until 8am. So everything was washed out as best it could be
but I NEED to do laundry. I get in there as soon as 8 am rolls around...
OH WAIT, NO SOAP!
Are you kidding me? I am desperate at this time. Everything stinks to the point that even with all my congestion I am starting to smell it. Oh what can I do? I hate (capital letters are needed) HATE asking for help but I give in. I go and ask my neighbor down the hall, this sweet old lady. I ask if I could borrow some soap, of course, I don't have a voice. She is very sweet and lends me the soap, and offers to go to the store for me and knocks on my door 3 times that day to check on me.
I knew it would be uncomfortable when God starts working in your heart on things you don't even want to acknowledge is there. But really, did it have to be stinky too?
I so don't want to be in this place where I need to ask for help (trust me, I know this is pride, I try to bargain with God that it's OK but it doesn't seem to be working). I was all set to tell you this story which I have just told you. Then yesterday, I realised I was still holding on to this pride. I was sitting on the bed of a patient who told me he was depressed. He was laid up for 6 months, loosing his business, frustrated with the economy, feeling weak that he now had to rely on his wife for basic care. His pride, he admits, is wounded. He told me if he had to do it all over again, he would go back to the way it was, he didn't want to go through all of this, even if it somehow made him better and more able to care for his family and business.
I began to ponder this...OK God, I get it. I don't want to go back to the way I was, I don't want to let my pride separate us any more.
Oswald Chambers says "After every darkness comes a mixture of delight and humiliation...delight in hearing God speak, but chiefly humiliation-What a long time I was in hearing that! And yet God has been saying it all these days and weeks. Now He gives you the gift of humiliation which brings the softness of heart that will always listen to God now."
My heart is softening and for at least today, I can lay my pride at your feet. Thank you for loving me through the darkness, using those around me to change my heart and putting me in that place where desperation wins over holding on to my pride. Thank you for the gift of humilation. I give you the glory and will presist in loving you like crazy.
Are you kidding me? I am desperate at this time. Everything stinks to the point that even with all my congestion I am starting to smell it. Oh what can I do? I hate (capital letters are needed) HATE asking for help but I give in. I go and ask my neighbor down the hall, this sweet old lady. I ask if I could borrow some soap, of course, I don't have a voice. She is very sweet and lends me the soap, and offers to go to the store for me and knocks on my door 3 times that day to check on me.
I knew it would be uncomfortable when God starts working in your heart on things you don't even want to acknowledge is there. But really, did it have to be stinky too?
I so don't want to be in this place where I need to ask for help (trust me, I know this is pride, I try to bargain with God that it's OK but it doesn't seem to be working). I was all set to tell you this story which I have just told you. Then yesterday, I realised I was still holding on to this pride. I was sitting on the bed of a patient who told me he was depressed. He was laid up for 6 months, loosing his business, frustrated with the economy, feeling weak that he now had to rely on his wife for basic care. His pride, he admits, is wounded. He told me if he had to do it all over again, he would go back to the way it was, he didn't want to go through all of this, even if it somehow made him better and more able to care for his family and business.
I began to ponder this...OK God, I get it. I don't want to go back to the way I was, I don't want to let my pride separate us any more.
Oswald Chambers says "After every darkness comes a mixture of delight and humiliation...delight in hearing God speak, but chiefly humiliation-What a long time I was in hearing that! And yet God has been saying it all these days and weeks. Now He gives you the gift of humiliation which brings the softness of heart that will always listen to God now."
My heart is softening and for at least today, I can lay my pride at your feet. Thank you for loving me through the darkness, using those around me to change my heart and putting me in that place where desperation wins over holding on to my pride. Thank you for the gift of humilation. I give you the glory and will presist in loving you like crazy.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Letter from God
I often wonder what it would be like to recieve a letter from God...
"Dear Aimee
I love you so much and I am so pleased with your desire to know me and love all who is in my family. Keep up the good work...and we still have a lot to do. We will do it together. We need to work on our time together (I love spending time with you, let's do it more). Remember to be patient and keep that tongue in check, girl. You have a temper but you have the biggest capacity to love. I know because I gave it to you. Haha!
Here are the things you have asked for: a growing thriving ministry, support and love from your church family and the oppurtunity to love more. By the way you will need help reaching teenagers with special needs, so I am sending you a special ed high school teacher. You didn't ask for it, but I know what you need. When you need something more, you just have to ask. I will bring it or I won't. When you think I don't answer a prayer, it's because I have a plan that you don't understand. Trust me, my strength is bigger than your imagination.
Just to let you know, I will be there the whole way with you. You are not alone. You never will be my little chickadee! I love you my friend.
Love your God"
"Dear Aimee
I love you so much and I am so pleased with your desire to know me and love all who is in my family. Keep up the good work...and we still have a lot to do. We will do it together. We need to work on our time together (I love spending time with you, let's do it more). Remember to be patient and keep that tongue in check, girl. You have a temper but you have the biggest capacity to love. I know because I gave it to you. Haha!
Here are the things you have asked for: a growing thriving ministry, support and love from your church family and the oppurtunity to love more. By the way you will need help reaching teenagers with special needs, so I am sending you a special ed high school teacher. You didn't ask for it, but I know what you need. When you need something more, you just have to ask. I will bring it or I won't. When you think I don't answer a prayer, it's because I have a plan that you don't understand. Trust me, my strength is bigger than your imagination.
Just to let you know, I will be there the whole way with you. You are not alone. You never will be my little chickadee! I love you my friend.
Love your God"
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
How my heart started to mend...
As a teenager, I was an angry little brat. I admit this openly and with shame. I was so lost. I was mad at the world, my family and especially my God. Truthfully, at the time I didn't even want to acknowledge him.
At the time, I was watching my family fall apart, watching my brother lose his mind and find comfort in drugs and alcohol. I hated my own skin and who I was. I hid in books and food and denied God access to my heart. My closet was full of junky clothes without color, a wanna be grunge rocker, my clothes frequently had holes and smelled. Lots of grey flannel and occasional neon orange hair was the shell to my true heart which was cracking and breaking. I pushed everyone away and hid as deep as I could.
It was years later, when I was living in Iowa that my heart began to break from that shell. I had a visit from my mom's best friend Carol. She showed up at my door with a box of food and the name of churches to try. We spent the weekend shopping at thrift stores (one of Carol's favorite hobbies) and tried a new church.
Carol was one of my Sunday school teachers and a woman who loves whole heartily and generously. Her friendship to my family was such a precious gift growing up. My brother and I called her 'Buddy' because she was so special, she also always called us her buddy. Many times, adults can fake caring for kids but not Carol. To know her is to know her love. She is one of those people who truly examples how Jesus calls us to love. That weekend, Carol simply loved as best as I would let her. She knocked and knocked at my heart and we had long conversations, many uncomfortable and challenging to the anger I had allowed to envelope me. As she left that weekend she told me "I will pray you stop being anger at God and let him love you."
Big old crack in my shell!
I wish I could tell you that my story was a simple turn right that moment and I stopped being angry at God but it wasn't that easy. Anger can be so consuming when you live it for so many years. It was a slow process to allow God back into my life. I know now I was angry at the one who could take all my anger and never leave me or stop loving me. He is passionate for me and used so many moments in my life to chip away at my shell.
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[m] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39
The only thing that separated me from God was me. I chose to allow my anger to be a door between my heart and the greatest love I will ever know. I wish I could say right now I will never be angry at God again but I can't. I know anger is this disease which can creep back. I pray regularly that I seek him and cling to him, that I sing his praises and I love like his son. I still have so many challenges and adventures to come. I thank God for Carol and many more who loved me in spite of me and saw past my shell. I thank God for mending my heart and leading me home.
Because you've always stood up for me,
I'm free to run and play.
I hold on to you for dear life,
and you hold me steady as a post.
Psalm 63:7-8
At the time, I was watching my family fall apart, watching my brother lose his mind and find comfort in drugs and alcohol. I hated my own skin and who I was. I hid in books and food and denied God access to my heart. My closet was full of junky clothes without color, a wanna be grunge rocker, my clothes frequently had holes and smelled. Lots of grey flannel and occasional neon orange hair was the shell to my true heart which was cracking and breaking. I pushed everyone away and hid as deep as I could.
It was years later, when I was living in Iowa that my heart began to break from that shell. I had a visit from my mom's best friend Carol. She showed up at my door with a box of food and the name of churches to try. We spent the weekend shopping at thrift stores (one of Carol's favorite hobbies) and tried a new church.
Carol was one of my Sunday school teachers and a woman who loves whole heartily and generously. Her friendship to my family was such a precious gift growing up. My brother and I called her 'Buddy' because she was so special, she also always called us her buddy. Many times, adults can fake caring for kids but not Carol. To know her is to know her love. She is one of those people who truly examples how Jesus calls us to love. That weekend, Carol simply loved as best as I would let her. She knocked and knocked at my heart and we had long conversations, many uncomfortable and challenging to the anger I had allowed to envelope me. As she left that weekend she told me "I will pray you stop being anger at God and let him love you."
Big old crack in my shell!
I wish I could tell you that my story was a simple turn right that moment and I stopped being angry at God but it wasn't that easy. Anger can be so consuming when you live it for so many years. It was a slow process to allow God back into my life. I know now I was angry at the one who could take all my anger and never leave me or stop loving me. He is passionate for me and used so many moments in my life to chip away at my shell.
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[m] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39
The only thing that separated me from God was me. I chose to allow my anger to be a door between my heart and the greatest love I will ever know. I wish I could say right now I will never be angry at God again but I can't. I know anger is this disease which can creep back. I pray regularly that I seek him and cling to him, that I sing his praises and I love like his son. I still have so many challenges and adventures to come. I thank God for Carol and many more who loved me in spite of me and saw past my shell. I thank God for mending my heart and leading me home.
Because you've always stood up for me,
I'm free to run and play.
I hold on to you for dear life,
and you hold me steady as a post.
Psalm 63:7-8
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Do over!
Don't you remember your childhood games? You always wanted to call a do-over or a thousand do-overs when you would mess up. I always did...I was a huge clutz (still am). Your friends wouldn't let you but when you were playing with your dad, he would always say "ok just one more time". Well here we go...
I call a do over to blogging. I tried it, thought I failed and gave up. But I think it must be something you must practice at. So I will try again. I don't have to be great. I have read some great blogs...Rosemary Jones...you rock my heart. I just have to be me. I always think I don't know the answer to that question but I am learning that's really not the answer. The truth of the matter is I am in motion, permant motion, perpetual (I just learned to spell that) motion to the arms of the creater of the moon and the stars and boogers (I think they are amazing in a gross kind of way and they tell us so much about a person). He is my friend, my champion, my teacher and my savior.
One of my favorite images that the Lord has given me was when I was first a believer doing a bible study at my dinning room table. I had books and dishes and stuff stashed around me (I can be a clutter queen). I was sitting in one of my most amazing dinning room chairs, they are these 1950s green vinyl wooden chairs, I found them on the side of the road and literally did a u-turn in the middle of the road to go back and get them. Then had to talk my mom into coming and picking them up because they didn't fit in the back of my little Ford Focus. I love these chairs, they are comfortable and I kind of settle into them and can stay there for hours. Add an extra pillow and hot cup of tea and it's about as close to prefection as I can get, even better if I am in thralled with a good book. I was all alone, doing some study, I can't even remember what one and I am in my chair and my feet are up on the chair next to me. I look across the table and I see Jesus, sitting there too. Just watching me, smiling, his foot propped up on the chair too, just relaxing with me. It brings tears to my eyes, the savior of mankind cares enough about me to sit and watch while I learn about him.
In that moment I knew that I would never be alone. My life may be one big do-over (starting for a hundred tomorrows) but my heavenly Father will always be there to say "ok one more time." So here goes. Nobody might read this but maybe my mom and that's ok. It's my voice and my story and it's perpetually in motion or occasionally sitting at the dinning room table with Jesus!
I call a do over to blogging. I tried it, thought I failed and gave up. But I think it must be something you must practice at. So I will try again. I don't have to be great. I have read some great blogs...Rosemary Jones...you rock my heart. I just have to be me. I always think I don't know the answer to that question but I am learning that's really not the answer. The truth of the matter is I am in motion, permant motion, perpetual (I just learned to spell that) motion to the arms of the creater of the moon and the stars and boogers (I think they are amazing in a gross kind of way and they tell us so much about a person). He is my friend, my champion, my teacher and my savior.
One of my favorite images that the Lord has given me was when I was first a believer doing a bible study at my dinning room table. I had books and dishes and stuff stashed around me (I can be a clutter queen). I was sitting in one of my most amazing dinning room chairs, they are these 1950s green vinyl wooden chairs, I found them on the side of the road and literally did a u-turn in the middle of the road to go back and get them. Then had to talk my mom into coming and picking them up because they didn't fit in the back of my little Ford Focus. I love these chairs, they are comfortable and I kind of settle into them and can stay there for hours. Add an extra pillow and hot cup of tea and it's about as close to prefection as I can get, even better if I am in thralled with a good book. I was all alone, doing some study, I can't even remember what one and I am in my chair and my feet are up on the chair next to me. I look across the table and I see Jesus, sitting there too. Just watching me, smiling, his foot propped up on the chair too, just relaxing with me. It brings tears to my eyes, the savior of mankind cares enough about me to sit and watch while I learn about him.
In that moment I knew that I would never be alone. My life may be one big do-over (starting for a hundred tomorrows) but my heavenly Father will always be there to say "ok one more time." So here goes. Nobody might read this but maybe my mom and that's ok. It's my voice and my story and it's perpetually in motion or occasionally sitting at the dinning room table with Jesus!
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