Stealing the Birthday Glee Back: Part 1

I don't like my birthday and I really don't like telling people it's my birthday. I like to pretend it doesn't exist. I have even thrown myself a couple of reverse "surprise" birthdays, meaning I invite others over and don't tell them it's my birthday until much later (sometimes days later, I had to stop doing that because several people got mad about this, I don't know why though). I think it all started because I didn't like myself for so many years that celebrating a day about me was more painful than joyful. So needless to say I get a little glum around this time of year.

This year seemed to start out no different. Friday, I left my house only to discover my car was broken into and my rear driver side door was smashed to little itty bitty bits. It wasn't what I needed that morning. I had already planned to purchase new tires that evening (which equalled mucho mucho $$$). I was going to spend the last day in my office at work and this was also the day of a major upgrade for our computer system; all the work we normally do in a days time had to be done an hour earlier than normal. So spending 2 hours- cleaning up the mess of glass littering my parking lot, filing a police report, contacting my insurance and finding a shop to fix my door- wasn't what I had in mind. I left work early and tried to get to a shop by 4 to fix the window. Nearly 4 hours and $1000 later, my window is fixed and I have new tires that I don't yet appreciate (maybe someday, sigh). What a truly horrible day and a terrible way to start out my birthday weekend. I went to bed early and prayed I had a little peace.

Then yesterday, September 11th remembrances...all the memorials and tributes...they are beautiful and touching but it just really sent me into a spiral right down the toilet.

This morning, my sweet sweet Brandon hurt himself. This is a little boy in my class. I adore this kid. He is so charming that even when his snot is running down his nose and he is telling me fart jokes, it's all I can do not to laugh. [OK, secretly, I love fart jokes and poop jokes, and snot but don't tell him that, I have to be a good influence] He fell and broke his leg in 2 parts, how this happened we just don't know. He even fell on one of our mats that we use for safety with the swing. I am going to want to cushion the entire room after this.

At second service, I had a hard time getting the kids to settle and by the time I did get them to settle, it was over. There are moments (more than not) that I feel like a failure or an idiot or crazy or all three in the middle of class. It was a hard morning, so very hard... I earned my stripes today (not that I have any stripes but if I did I would have earned them today). As I headed out to a birthday party with my team and some families from class, my heart was heavy. I wanted to cry and give up and leave.

But I remembered a conversation I had with a parent of one of our kids yesterday. She called to say they couldn't make it to the party but really wanted too. We talked for about 20minutes, connecting about what was going on in their lives and mine. She said "This has been the best time of church going we have ever had because John is in a place where people appreciate him for where he is right now. Of course, we want him to be the best he can be but you all understand him and appreciate who he is." He had recently been worried about going to a new school and he told his mom "I don't have to worry because God is with me and he will help me." She thought he had gotten this from my class and thanked me for teaching her son.

This is the reason I do what I do. Beyond the hardship and the challenges and frustrations, this is the reason God has called me to love these kids. John having a peace and knowledge that God loves him and will help him...it's an answer to my prayers, to my hopes and dreams. It's everything that matters.

When I was ready to give up this morning, I had to give myself John's reminder and cling to the peace I so often pray for others. My God loves me fiercely. I felt my joy coming back...

Then came the party! Wait until I tell you all about the best birthday bash I have ever had. (So it wasn't just my birthday party, I did share it with others. We had 3 people have birthdays this last week and a big birthday in August, then this summer had a wedding, three graduations and 2 volunteers leaving for school this month. Plus we were going bowling and you know how we love to bowl. We were ready to party!).

It's going to have to wait because the dog needs to go out and it's late. Know that this birthday weekend ends with a great deal more delight and joy!